Adult Green Machine – It Satisfies!
An Adult Green Machine is what it sounds like: a larger, adult-sized, faster, and way cooler version of the classic Green Machine tricycle designed for children. I don’t know about you, but I never had a Green Machine as a kid, but I didn’t never not want one (three negatives equal a positive, that’s what I always tell my mom). I knew a kid with one, and he couldn’t tear me off that thing whenever we played at his house.
Remember the Green Machine TV commercials? Power slides baby, (is what we called ’em) all day long. Hand brake slides is what we called them in high school when those fools finally gave us our driver’s licenses. Drifting they calls it now. Kids these days. Waddyagonnado. Whatever you call it, there’s a dangerous thrill in locking the brakes and throwing yourself sideways around a corner and then bringing it back straight down the road like no big deal. The Green Machine was the original drift trike, paving the way for every ounce of tractionless sideways action ever since. And it’s a sign that there is justice in this world that we can still drive sideways as grown-ups on Green Machines For Adults.
Green Machines For Tweens
Those Green Machines of yore, the ones grown-ups rode as kids, have been updated by Huffy for bigger kids, so now there’s the Green Machine 20. That’s 20 for the diameter of the front wheel, not max speed (cuz I promise you I can get it up to 30 man!). But with a weight limit of 180lbs, this isn’t a Green Machine for every Adult. In fact, most dudes I know (including myself) weight in around two bucks. A Green Machine for adult women, persnaps. More like a Green Machine for Tweens if yer askin’ me. But I bet if you buy ’em one, your kids will promise to love you forever…
Yeah but look at those racing slicks… Talk about 9-inch pancakes…
But man, that kid’s havin’ a blast! I don’t care if I’m too heavy, I’m totally gonna beat him up and take his bike ask him if I can get a ride, just a quick one, I promise I won’t break it…
I suppose I might understand if he doesn’t want to share. That’s what being an adult is all about, right guys? Guys? Here’s a very grown up compromise to make us both happy: if I run out real quick and grab Huffy’s new Electric Green Machine and (promise not to hit on his sister and) let him ride that dinky little baby trike, maybe he’ll let me ride his super-rad MaquinaVerde…
Anyway, outside of these fanciful dreams, what are us guys over a buck-eighty supposed to do? There’s one other solution, because there really is a Green Machine For Adults. Parker Brothers Concepts, a SoCal custom motorcycle outfit, went so far as to build a big green motortrike and debuted itat Daytona Bike Week in 2016. You can see a video of one of them riding it here. They got it up to 50 mph! The thing is, as awesome as this actually-adult Adult Green Machine is, if you want them to build you one it’s gonna cost you seventy-five thousand samoleans. I don’t think the missus is gonna go for that…
If you were the cool kid with a Green Machine on your block when you were growing up, then you don’t have to look back wistfully at those glory days, you can relive them today with this here actually-made-for-adults Adult Green Machine.
As you can see, this bad boy will blow your mind and hoover up chicks like nobody’s business (another reason the missuses ain’t havin’ it). So while this dead-cool 3-wheeled green machine big wheel vehicle will blast us grown-ups out of our torpor, and make everyone else green with envy, it’ll take a heloc or the kids’ college fund to get ‘er done. Hm. Green Machine or college for the kids. Well…. I’ma think on it…
Adult Green Machine Break-Down
The adult green machine has a low-slung, recumbent design with a wide, bucket-style seat that sits close to the ground. Like the original Green Machine, it features three wheels. Two smaller 9-inch rear wheels and a larger, 20-inch front wheel, which is responsible for steering and propulsion. It has unique dual-stick handlebars that allow you to control the direction and make sharp turns. The handlebars are connected to the front wheel, and the rider can spin them for 180-degree turns and slides.
The Adult Green Machine is pedal-powered, so the rider uses their feet to pedal and propel the trike forward (and sideways!). The bucket seat is designed for comfort, with a cushioned and ergonomic shape to provide a more comfortable riding experience for the big butts of adults. This grown-up trike is built with a sturdy frame to accommodate the weight and size of an adult rider weighting as much as 180 lbs. They have adjustable features to accomodate bigger, older butts, and they’re durable and can handle the stresses of adult use.
The Adult Green Machine is designed to blow the pants off a standard adult big wheel in terms of speed, power sliding, and sheer unadulterated sexiness. Plus, it will flip the lids of anyone lucky enough to witness the awesomeness, much less ride one. It’s often used for fun rides and play, and it can be a unique way for adults to relive their childhood memories while staying active.
These grown-up Green Machines are designed for nostalgic fun ranging from chuckles in the conservative crown to giggles among the centrists to guffaws and belly laughs among the extreme leftists. They offer a unique and enjoyable way for boring adults to spice up their routines, get outside, get some exercise, and prove to their kids that they’re still cool.
Adult Green Machines are best used in closed-course settings, where maniacs in cars can’t kill you. But if you can’t manage to keep yourself from saturday afternoon Green Machine drag races down main street, I’m not goinna try and stop you. Aside from the fun facts, there’s really just one question, and it’s rthe most important one:
Will A Grown-Up Green Machine Make Me Feel Young Again?”
And that, my friends, is entirely up to you…(says every dad in the whole world).